kill the lights, neverland is missing [oldsht]

that intimacy i never give away......
i gave it away.

once
or twice.
or even three times.

"one day i'd like it to stay."
i said.
but they all gave it away, too.

once. i placed it gently back.
in his open palms.

"no, this time...i really want YOU to have it."
and he slipped it through his fingers like a magic trick.
gone.

i searched.
day and night.

i would dream of hints.....
and wake to papers filled with sketches...
of me.
and of you.
of the last time i was able to give it away.....

thank you for showing me how to be afraid