love cannot be due to humanity.

i used to regard love as the most powerful element in the world. actually up until about one minute ago i still did, or so i thought. many times i have fought on the front lines of Love's brigade.
"it can overcome hatred" i would say. look around you. look at the prejudice big and small.

black. white. brown. fat. slim. old. young. clean. crust. scene. country. Muslim. Jew. Christian. look at the violence it begets, if not with fists, then with heart.

"it can overpower bitterness" i have cried. see for yourself. see the millions dis-enchanted with God. if you are afraid to recognize such atrocity i shall wish to laugh in your face, bite my thumb to your ways, and spit on your hands. for even though you dare not lick your lips to admit it, you feel its existence.

"it can crumble resentment" i pressed. watch.

PAY ATTENTION PLEASE!

friendships, families, lovers lay tossed asunder.

necks splintered, feet crippled under resentments weight.

need you ask why your churches are in ruins, why your country lets you down?!

is love conquering the daughter who resents her mother for being gay?

is love defeating the pride of one more religious friend to her brothers and sisters?

is love erasing the pain caused by the death of two loved ones within the same year?

is love reuniting three old friends faced with hurt and betrayal on all sides?

is it love that speaks through the drunken father calling on an intoxicated vapor?

monolithic love...i imagined it all.

this all, i have come to realize. it is known in my head and, with the heaviest of all sighs i may ever breath, i have known this in my heart.

love.

love before you can love no longer.

if there be no God,

how have we survived thus far.

don't lose your glasses.

i admit i am a brutally broken girl.
my days too often follow such mornings
that most certainly followed such nights
and though i am past pasts
the pasts contain things you wouldn't imagine,
and aren't as far away as i would like.

take me at face value,
for usually it is all i will let you have.
and i will cry at that fact,
that you will never understand what i feel,
but it's not because you don't want to,
it's because i don't want to.....understand.
DEAR GOD! i feel hands and mouths, i feel hate.
are the hands mine? no, but the hate is.
contained in a place that is only mine,
that i may cradle it and hate myself in peace.

such shames i bear! and though i am comforted
in knowing you carry them as well,
i am not convinced that i am alright.
memories take the shape of serpents,
and crawl through my eyes....
and every open hole that you can see.

i hope you never see clearly through your rose colored glasses,
for then you would see my true hues,
and you would love me,
and i am scared of love! and i am scared of loving!
and if such came to be you would see all of me,
and know all of me, and i you....
and we would weep...and we would love.

(originally written Aug. 2008)

James.

[to preface this...piece? i would like to say it was written many years ago and it is not my favorite. however, i think the ending is cute, and if taken into account what is actually happening in the span of 30 minutes time after meeting the character "James" then it is quite an interesting delve into the female mind....maybe....]


hello acquaintance.
i have learned your name, and you have heard mine.
we will sit together and share glimpses of impossibility.
i think such things that you know not of,
and taking an odd sense of pride about my secrecy.
i am thinking of my newest betrayal.
i love(d) him, and he love(d)(s) me?
she "loves" him, and he does not love her.
they shared moments of something that meant everything to me.
and once to him.
now they are hers, in vain and by much deceit,
for i cannot stress enough his nothing.......

acquaintance, you do not know how sad i am.
i sing loudly and dance about as if i were a dervish,
again i take pride in such secrecy,
that something inside me is brutally wounded,
and that you cannot tell.
i briefly entertain the idea of our situation.
you are much different than i, sir.
my mind chooses another route,
and it is quite an opposite one....
For somewhere in this place there is a boy i dream of;

his hair is dark and matted,
and though unshaven and dirty,
his brilliance continues to leave a glint in my eye.
his scratchy voice speaks in rhymes and sings of truth and beauty.
where my betrayal is causing decay his words bring me a joy,
UN ABOUND
that has stopped my tears and brought shallow, excited breaths to me lungs....

though, acquaintance, i find you appealing,
i do not know you heart and in his...
in his is something that also beats in mine.
BE NOT DISMAYED!
For though i have chosen him over you,
you are just my acquaintance,
and you never knew anything.
:)